dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
