return my video game
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
