I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
