Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
