I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
