Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
this hospital has no fireball
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
