Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
