Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
