Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
