I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
