there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
