She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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