I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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