Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
