Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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