if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
