Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize