My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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