I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
