she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
