I CAN MOONWALK!
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
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