cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
