how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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