hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Operation Purity has been aborted
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
