U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
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