someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
