Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
areolas are like halos for boobs.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
