take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
