What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
