so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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