You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
she told me i tasted like america
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
