Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
