she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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