why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
