I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
