Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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