using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Hippo gnu deer
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
