my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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