Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize