I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
