i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
