For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
