Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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