Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
