hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
