If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
