Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
