mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
