I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
