I faked an abortion last night.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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