we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
