her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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