I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
