two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's shark week go big or go home
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
