I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
