i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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