My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
