I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
