oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize