So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
