wrigley field is MILF paradise
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize