She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize