i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
