i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Your mouth is God's brothel.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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