Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
