i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
