I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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